If I didn’t define myself for myself, ...

... I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies and eaten alive. – Audre Lorde

That team leader, with whom I actually had nothing to do at all, complained about me a total of three times to my temporary employment agency. I was speechless. As a result, I lost the job there again, and if not two weeks later another department at BMW, rather, an independent project (so also a kind of "department", but temporary and with employees from different permanent departments, as well as again team members via temporary employment and other types of contracts) would have come with a request for a team assistant…

So around Christmas, I moved within BMW and now ended up at an interesting project - with nice people. Someone became aware of my language skills and gave me more and more localization work. At that time, people were not so open with the topic of mental health, so I didn't tell anyone about the fact that I was doing psychotherapy, but when I had to leave for my session in the afternoon, there was never a problem.

That boss was a very cool guy, and so were the colleagues. There were a lot of nerdy guys - like myself, and so we "clicked" right away. I started to like going to work again, especially since I was also getting more and more stuff that was actually interesting and exciting.

But after half a year BMW did not renew the contract with my company. With no company at all. Not only my team didn't understand it, it went around, which was also a huge problem for many a project manager, because urgently needed employees were naturally eliminated as a result.

A colleague gave me the name of a translation company that worked for BMW Motorrad, and that of the head of the Munich office, saying I should definitely apply there, she would also recommend me.

I did, and I was hired as a project manager. For the first time in years, I had a real permanent job, and also in an industry that exactly suited me and my qualifications.

(Project manager at a translation company means having to try to keep the client happy and the translator happy, because clients like it when the same reliable and good translator always does the work. Can be difficult...)

At first, everything seemed great. Until everyone found out that I left the office every Tuesday afternoon. No one ever said anything, but at some point I noticed the looks some of them gave me and then each other when I packed my things. But most of all, the colleague I worked directly with. Well, that means that he gave me the work and he himself was constantly in the boss's office telling what great ideas he had…

Anyway, he made a strange remark once, and I felt compelled to clarify that I had a regular doctor's appointment and would, of course, sign out properly on the time clock every time.

That seemed to get around then, because then things quietened down.

Late this summer, my then seven-year-old goddaughter was in a car accident that caused her life-threatening head injuries. Her mother called me one afternoon, completely distraught, barely able to explain what had happened… and she also had a four-year-old and a one-year-old baby at home…

I had often gone to Sonja and the children in the country, if only to see the children, but also to help Sonja with them. She was single with three children, and that was never easy, not for her and not for the children. Since I had a lot of time, especially in the unemployed phases, and I also enjoyed it, I often went to them and became almost something like a second mom for a few years. So I didn't have to think twice. I immediately agreed to go to the hospital. Sonja would let them know, so that they would let me see the child.

This story is one of the most important and blessed of my whole life. I will not go into it in detail here, because it is a whole story of its own, a wonderful story.

Over the period of a few weeks I went to Murnau to the clinic every weekend, and for this I set off on Friday at around four o'clock.

And that didn't go over well at work at all. Although I had told everyone right away that it was about my goddaughter.

"But she's not your child!" my boss said when he gave me my notice after six months.

"And that's not the only problem!" he continued. Once again, I was as if I had been knocked on my head. What had I done wrong again?

"Your colleague is not happy with you!"

WHAT?!?!? I did all the editing work and he complained about me?

"You're not very friendly, he says. And you never come to the coffee kitchen to chat with the others either!"

Please - WHAT? Instead of chatting I worked - and that was now a problem?!?!?

"You're uncollegial!"

"What?" it finally blurted out of me. "I'm not being uncollegial!!! I've never hurt anyone, and if someone wants something from me, I'll help as much as I can!"

"No, that's not what I mean by that...you never participate!"

I never participate... !? With what? When? How?

"You are not a team player. I'm sure it's better for you somewhere else, you won't be happy here!"

And so I lost this job also, and within the probationary period.