Learning to trust is one of life's most difficult tasks. – Isaac Watts

When I finally had a job and living in Munich, I breathed a sigh of relief and regained a bit of confidence. I also started spending a lot of time in nature again - something that cannot be underestimated in its healing effect! I was also able to spend a lot of time with my little niece again and again, that is also so healing! Rediscovering the world with a baby and then toddler... without having to be a mom, but a playmate, accomplice, friend... The whole world is always talking about motherhood and how one's own children make us see the world with new eyes, but I say: true happiness is being an aunt and godmother to a child, or several children, and in this so underestimated way not only being allowed to participate in the life and growth of the child or children, but also being able to experience and learn a lot of new things yourself. In some cultures there is not much difference between mother and aunt (mother's sister). I was lucky enough to be welcomed with open arms by the mothers on their part.

After losing my job at Sony Ericksson again, I was lucky enough to find a new one after a few months. This company manufactured electronic gadgets and was headquartered in Mountain View, California. My job had to do with import/export.

After a few weeks, the boss wasn't there once for a few days, and I got an urgent call from Mountain View, it was about some products to launch in Germany, but there were difficulties with customs. I really don't remember it well, I just remember that my boss had completely abandoned me and that someone in Mountain View who really knew his stuff was on the phone guiding me through the individual steps in SAP so that the shipment could arrive on time. It was a bit like in an airplane when a passenger takes the controls in an emergency and the tower instructs that person down to the smallest detail how to land the plane. Okay, that's a huge exaggeration, but that's how I felt afterwards.

Because I was able to do that.

I had been there barely a month. I had not received any training, neither on import/export, nor on SAP. When this task suddenly landed in my lap, I had no idea what I had to do. I called the boss - but he just said, "Go ahead. You'll get it done."

The other two colleagues I remember were each responsible for completely different things, but both expressed sympathy to me.

After a few days, the boss was back. And a few weeks later, I again held my letter of termination in hands, pronounced and signed by him. The one (female) colleague was speechless, and the other (already somewhat older) colleague said that I shouldn't take it so tragically, that he had heard that the office in Munich was to be closed anyway. Again, a little later, I learned that this was indeed the case.

So for the second time that year, in 2002, I knocked on the door of the employment office. By now I was 35 years old, and that didn't make the job search any easier.

On the Internet there were also corresponding sites, and I registered with all of them. That's how I got in touch with a group specifically for professional women, called the Business & Professional Women, through which I met two friends who still hold a first place in my life today.

I also took first coaching sessions.

I stayed in regular contact with my former colleagues at Sony Ericksson until my former boss and then another colleague behaved towards me in such a way that I no longer understood what was going on - and for the first (and so far last) time in my life I phoned my sister to tell to her. I was also very upset, because I had become so insecure towards both of them, I didn't understand what they wanted from me, why all of a sudden first one, then the other wanted to go out for drinks with me… and then in the pub they’d put their arm around me…

"Yeah..." my sister started, "do they know you're a lesbian?"

“Yes... sure!" I said. "We're friends. I didn't make a fuss about it. And everyone's always been totally ok with it!"

And my sister laughed first... then she sighed... and said calmly and seriously, "Sylvia, you really don't know your stuff, huh? Those two have bets on who can get that pretty little lesbian into bed first!"

My face fell apart.

"When first one hits on you, and a few days later the other one… you say those two are good friends?"

"Yeah..."

"Yes!" she sighed loudly. "Sylvia, you really are totally clueless! Men are like that! You just don't get it again! For them this is a hunting game, for them you are a prey!"

My ears almost flew off and I started to cry.

"Oh, man!" my sister said sympathetically when she heard me crying. "Men are pigs! You can almost always forget about friendship! If they're straight and they know you're a lesbian... Sorry, but I'm going to tell you this bluntly: forget it! Don't even try it!"

I just listened to her, and she wasn't done for quite some time.

"I know that I have found a really good and nice guy, and of course there are always those. But the vast majority, I'm sorry to say, you can just forget them, they only want one thing from a woman, friendship doesn't work there, especially not in the sense of what friendship means to you!"

There I also understood numerous similar experiences I had had in Japan, mostly with Western men.

"So what do I do now?" I sniffled.

"Cutting off contact, and with the whole group, as hard as that is, and I understand that's bad for you because you lose good friends because of that."

I just nodded, but she heard it.

"And I would definitely tell the others in that clique. Are those two married, or something?"

“Yes…" My boss was in a long-term relationship, and the other colleague was married.

"Then say something. Put it in an email and feel free to let everyone know what jerks they are. And they are, Sylvia! Even if you like them now because you thought they were dear friends. But they never were!"

She was right, I knew it.

And I did what she had advised me to do. I took some time for this email in which I announced that I wanted to have no further contact with our clique because two particular members had, yes, harassed me, and abused and broken my trust. And I even named them.

It hit like a bomb.

The next day, my former boss's partner called me. She was a totally lovely woman, and I knew she liked me too. And so she spoke to me right away: "Sweetie, what's going on, what happened? Why in this way, to the whole group?"

"Because I didn't know what else to do!" I said, and that was true.

We talked for a very long time, there was a moment when I was crying and apologizing (for her boyfriend shoving his tongue down my throat!)... But she was totally understanding and compassionate for some reason.

"I believe you!" was all she said. "I know you. I know who you are. I believe you. I'm only sorry that it had to come this way and that you didn't see any other solution..."

"Yes, me too!"

We said goodbye very amicably, almost sisterly. That was the end of that friendship, with her and the whole group, which I had thought was good and beautiful.

When I called my sister afterwards and told her in amazement about the reaction of the girlfriend, she said to my yet another total surprise: "Yes... you are just totally honest and open. People believe you because it's too obvious that you don't lie, and can't lie. I can totally understand why she believed you."

Since this episode, I have (finally!) become extremely cautious and also suspicious of straight men. Particularly in a situation as I had one with my ex-boss... that could have ended badly for me. He had restrained himself at that moment. But that’s not something all men can do and/or would want to do, as we all know.